Thou hast or hast not shitten?

Fresh out of Facebook:

I went to the restroom, but I don't remember what for.
Did I do number 2? Because if didn't, I know I'll have to...
Did I even do number 1? I don't remember...
What did I do there then? Maybe something very unrelated to the place,
maybe I just sat down on the floor and ate a Vietnamese soup while reading a fitness magazine with a big handsome guy jogging on the cover.


I don't know if he was really handsome, but that's what the magazine suggested because he looked muscly and had a neat grey hair.
I also don't know if he was really jogging, maybe that was just his regular position, due to a birth malformation, and then someone blurred the background to make it look as if his was in movement.
I don't even know if he was a real man, maybe a very masculine woman, who knows?


Maybe there was no one on the cover, but I thought it all up because that man is actually me, envisioned as a successful paper towel business owner who has given up his country and culture to live happily with his wife and kids in North Carolina. But then he finds out that his wife has another one and his best friend, who's a lawyer, has taken over the business. So he is not simply jogging, he is running away to a place unknown, where he will die peacefully.


Anyway, have I shat or not? This is still killing me...

This is I!

As I make more and more social network profiles on the internet, it's becoming difficult to keep track of them, so a profile picture you see on my Facebook probably isn't the same you'll see on my MySpace (do I have a MySpace?).
Being so, let me make you -my millions of fans- aware of what I might look like out there:

This is me as Borat (2006):

*You guys remember Borat, right?

This is me as a genetically modified punk :

 *by Diego Bianchi

This is me as a cartoon, with my infamous anarchist military jacket, 

shooting at people with my finger pistols:

*also by Diego Bianchi

This is me as a skinhead-looking, xenophobic, world-hating creature:

*In real life I'm a very affable person who is 

sensitive and may cry at the end of a movie.

This is me trying to eat Brazilian BBQ:

*Damn thing won't rip!

This is me feeling like a bada**:

 

This is me feeling pleased by something I just made:

This is me looking high:

...and finally, this is me after trying a Nuclear Joint:

*People, I seriously don't smoke weed! 

I just happen to look this way, stop asking!